A friend of mine died last week. She wasn't the kind of friend who was part of my day-to-day life. She was a former teaching colleague and a former yoga student of mine. In fact, she attended my class every week for about five years. Our husbands also used to work together so we saw each other at work Christmas parties and things like that.
I really loved and appreciated her, but had fallen out of touch with her in the last year and a half. She was diagnosed with breast cancer and had to take a break from yoga classes. My husband and I went travelling abroad for the better part of last year. Since returning home, we have busied ourselves with settling back into our careers and regular lives. It's hard to believe I never actually saw my friend Lee after we returned home from our travels last August.
Several months ago we exchanged emails. Lee told me she was still battling this 'cancer thing' but was feeling positive and hoped to return to yoga in the future. She said she would love to see me...
I didn't mean to not follow-through, but I didn't visit her or pick up the phone and call her. When I thought about her, I figured she must be doing okay. We live in a small town, and I would have heard if she wasn't faring well, right? Wrong.
Hearing that she passed away was like a kick in the stomach. I was so shocked; I just couldn't believe it. And I feel so terrible for not visiting her and not telling her what was on my heart while I had the chance. I would have told her that I loved her for her positive attitude, energy and exuberance. That her willingness to speak up and fight for what she believes in was an inspiration to me. And that I really admired her kindness, generosity, and community involvement.
I had a long opportunity to call or visit Lee, see how she was doing, and express my gratitude to her for being one of the truly positive people in my life. I waited too long and now it is too late. Not wanting to feel this way ever again, I was inspired to create this Gratitude Project. My plan is to express heart-felt gratitude to all the significant people in my life.
Being vulnerable and expressing my feelings doesn't come easily to me - it probably doesn't feel natural to most people. But the reality is that we never know how much time we have left, and I can't bear to fill my day-to-day life with busy stuff that doesn't really matter and not take the time to let the people who matter know that they do. This will be an experiment in courage and vulnerability but I know it will help me grow as a person and deepen my connection to others. I can't wait to get started!
